You Have the Right to Change and Grow- 12/3/11

I. This bothers me because although I feel that I do have this privilege/right, I often struggle when I am not doing well with my ED and D to believe I have this right or am not meant to have said right. The fact that I have never been able to change and grow may mean that maybe thats not my destiny and that I dont have the tools or something is wrong with me that leads to my incapability to change and grow. Thus, when i go and try to get treatment I am just wasting my time and other's time. Mostly, because I struggle with believing that I am destined to recover. Everything I want to do I can usually do 99% of the time and this is really the 1st time I have failed so hard so many times over to recover.

II. If I were to believe this it would be easier to stay more positive about my recovery thus not leading to failure each time I try to overcome my Ed. I would be better-self-esteem wise if I felt capable and deserving of recovery despite my failures, and that my past failures are just that, in the past. It would make me feel more control in my treatment. it would also make me feel powerful thus destined for recovery. I would believe too, that I have the power to control my future--which I feel I lack entirely now. This i believe would enstill a greater sense of hope, strength and control over my life and my destiny.