In all honestly IO feel that as soon as I meet my goal weigh which I still haven't accepted as acceptable -- The biggest urge I am going to be fighting is restricting because often when we are scheduled to have snacks/meals I am not hungry. So if I have a lapse (which hopefully doesn't turn into a relapse), my biggest feat will be keeping it just so, and not to let it grow back into my full blown eating disorder. I can only hope that at this point that I will enjoy nourishing myself correctly and enjoy having energy, being hapy, being present. My body image has always beem amnd most likely will always be my biggest hurdle in recovery. So, again I hope I learn to accept my healthy weight and try to fopcus on the things the healthy weight gives me, rather than dwellling on how awful it is; which could lead to me manipulating it to the way I want it. I know I have maintained a healthy weight in the past but lurking in my head my body image has felt like a volcano ready to erupt. I have always felt and overwhelming sense of disgust about myself inside and out. I hope this time it will be different and that this time when i leave rainrock or discharge from php my body wont be so important and bothersome.
I can only wish for the best and that hope will find me.
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