Mid purge today I thought- "oh my gosh, im still doing this, if I keep doing it, its gonna kill me-why don't I care"
..........btw I do my best thinking w/ my head over the toilet-its the best distraction.
I kinda am in disbelief that I still have an ED, its not like it goes away for days, but honestly I forget that I am doing it each day and that its abnormal. Its become such a norm. Probably- well 100% likely I think I have desensitized myself to my daily rituals of ED. Which is good in a way because if a "normal" person were doing this everyday, thinking what i am thinking they'd probably hate life.
Im talking to my soulmate Nicole on facebook right now and she said that its good Im sharing all that I am on this blog. It feels good to hear that. She also said what I am sharing is revealing-really so. I also had no idea. This is my life its pretty fuckin raw, and I can't stop pretending its not. I have also desensitized myself to talking about my issues as well. Which can be good and bad. Because I don't realize they're bad---all the time
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woo i'm so special i got mentioned! but yes, it is revealing...i mean i've never said this stuff to my parents or felt like I could...but that might just be because my parents and I have a terribly strained relationship and i don't tell them much of anything.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking about how ED really is going to kill you/us if you/we don't stop. but the funny thing is its not like we know if we have 1 week or 20 yrs left....its really up to chance. which is good or bad depending on how you look at it. but anyway, 3-5 lbs a week is a lot hunny....that's like up to 20 lbs a months...and that for sure will kill you faster than ever. not that i should be talking. but i love you stay strong, don't give up, remember i'm always here if you need to talk. i promise i always got your back!
i love u forever and always! <3 I miss u everyday
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