So I said my first affirmation today. I said " I will find someone who is good for me and loves me and who i don't have to chase". Granted, yes it wasn't towards body image or whatever but it was something for me. Lately I have been on the roam for guys, mostly for attention to feel like im worth something. Also, in the past 7 years I have always had a guy in my life who I am serious about-- so it is weird to not have that reassurance from a guy that I am good-beautiful etc... Ugh that sounds so vain.
I have another appt w/ my therapist tomorrow. I am pretty apathetic about it. I still havent made any psychiatrist appointments. GR dont wanna do it. I am not sure why I am going, I dont know hwo to get better or how to want to it still sounds so far fetched for me to even attempt.
Today was a bad day. 5-FIVE-times. Mostly because it was my day off. These days reassure me of my toils my awful life that I ironically don't know how to detach myself from. It's definitly a love hate relationship. But when I wake up and my whole body is aching beyond belief I smile, knowing Im getting closer to something, something I don't know what- the end of a race that really has no ending for me. Fuck this sucks. fml
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i just gotta say holy crap you are so courageous to put all this in writing and put it out there. Of course you know that i can identify with pretty much everything that comes out of your mouth, although ultimately our experiences are not exactly the same. stay strong. and remember that you don't have to wait for hope to find you, you can go look for it...or tattoo it on your body like me. hahah ok love you bye bye
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