I am not feeling challenged at all. I really did need to come to residential to break my cycle of restrict/binge/purge and obviously to gain weight. I know I am not done but I already feel 100% better and more motivated about my recovery than I ever have before. The former is why I made teh decision to put in my 2 weeks notice on December 9th. I just feel that a month in residential is a solid amount of time to which I can be stabilized and used to not using behaviors. My gut feeling is that the long I stay in residential robotically eating and staying out of behaviors will only lead me to boredom thus trouble and perhaps yearning for freedom so I can use my ED. I also want to get in the habit of going to AA or NA so I can get used to going to meetings (it seems so hard to convince them that I need to go). That will allow me to work on my other issue of addiction which is just as much of a problem as my ED. I guess this feeling comes mostly from frutrtion. I dont believe as long as things go well that that means I won't relapse. For me to maintain my motivation I need to be constantly challenged. My attention tends to go by the wayside when I am bored or under-challenged and I dont feel like my treatment or learning are tailored uniquely to me.
Challenges I feel are realistic:
1. Attending 2 meetings a week (AA or NA)
2. Lower "observations" after meals and snacks
3. Meals alone
4. Portioning
There is honestly no bullshit here. I am eager to get better and the drive I have to stay in recovery is like no other I've felt before. I just wanna run with that motivation
**** UPDATE: I decided when I had a family session with my parents about coming home for xmas after giving in my 2 weeks notice I realized that I truly was not ready and that I would have just relapsed if I had gone home. I also found out that my therapist was going to be gone the last couple days I would have had at rainrock which all together helped me make the best decision I did throughout my time at rainrock and decided to stay. Things became so much better after. 2nd best decision in my life next to coming to treatment. 1/28/12 MK
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