How my ED is like my DA

I use them both to escape, to exert control on my body because with Ed and DA I am stil trying to loose weight I just prefer the latter because then I dont have to purge; which is shameful to me. They both achieve the attention I seek or rather they both make me feel sick so I feel like I wont be forgotten as long as Im fucked up with an ED or DA. They both serve asa a distraction to being succesful, pursuing my dreams, the stress of bills and life. With both I dont have to think about my life stressors that I normally feel unequipped to handle day to day without using one of the former. I use them also to avoid feeling emotions-all emotions to me are unsafe and painful. The DA is preferential because I feel I can function more and my mind isnt obsessed with all the food and hunger and what my body looks like. With D I focus on when I am going to do it next, how long it will last etc... In essence they both serve as

a. distractions from daily life stressors and emotions/feelings

b. Both keep me sick and make me feel like people wont forget about me. Also, so people wont expect a lot from and that way I won't feel devasted when i fail at something.