11/27/11

Right now I feel this tense feeling in my stomach-it feels like anxiety. It came on soon after dinner. I wasn't struggling with the meal nor was I aware of any anxiety surrounding the food. I was writing down affirmations from a list that I wanted for myself when I noticed the tight feeling in my stomach. Almost at an anxiety attack level. At this moment I still can't shake it. I have no idea where it came from. I think I am partly internally pannicked about having to stay here for awhile. I think it scares me because I am impatient. I dont feel like I am being challenged whatsoever and that frustrates me to no end. Knowing I have to stick around watching all these girls use behaviors unneccesarily @ meals and struggle @ the meals and listen to their complaining about how fat they are--- im gonna go more insane than I already am. I cannot stand it. I feel i am past all that. I feel out of place, its uncomfortable. Maybe thats at the root of my anxiety right now. It feels like a weight-- a huge weight in my stomach that I cant shake or ignore.