Surprise Surprise I'm mad.

This feeling is more frustrating than feeling sad.

I always get scolded for feeling this way.

They claim they understand me,

but they dont ever come close,

no matter what they say.

Guidebook to Micaela:

1. I dont ask for help-it makes me feel weak and like a bad or less than person.

2. I have a hard time correcting or addressing people that I have issues with because

a. I feel I have no place

b. I feel like I'm making a big deal about nothing.

3. When I am sad or hurt I isolate and distance myself from people as a whole as a defense mechanism so I dont get hurt again.

4. I am scared of gaining weight because I fear I won't be sick anymore. I crave to be sick because it makes me special I stand out from being normal. Being normal and healthy scares me. Along with that I am afraid of being forgotten because if I look like everyone else I will be lost in the crowd. Also, I am scared because my ED is an out, I have an excuse if I fail at life. Without my ED if I fail that pressure is all on me and my fault. There's something wrong with me if I fail. I'm also afraid of my set point because when I was last at that weight I was doing mediocre in school and athletic, then when I lost weight I started to excel and stand out academically and athletically.

5. I dont like to talk in group because it makes me feel needy and that I am not important/sick enough and time would be better served focusing on thers because in some way or another they deserve it more.

6. I get frustrated and hurt when people don't/unable to read my mind when I am sad or upset. I feel that if they really cared they would be able to read my mind/know me enough to know something is wrong with me.