Why Progress Doesn't Mean I am Less Important

1/31/12

I am fully cognitively aware that there is no logical connection between doing well and needing less attention. In fact, I know generally that when I do well in work or school etc.. I get attention via praise. I have a hard time feeling the same way about treatment where the philosophy seems to be that we come in sick and the point is to get better and then leave. In school; for example if you do poorly you are more apt to leave or quit versus doing well- you continue on in your studies.

Another fear that makes me or translates into me not wanting to talk about my successes is that:

• I have a really hard time saying and acknowledging or celebrating my successes and accomplishments in life. So, due to that issue I may be tricking myself into thinking that none of my triumphs are good enough to talk about or acknowledge.
• I am afraid I will come across as bragging and that people will get sick of hearing how well I am doing. A big part of my issues surround the fact that I care so much about what people think of me (insecure).
• I'm also afraid if I start talking about successes all the time (black and white thinking) that I won't be able to stop and people will become annoyed with me. In turn I will be taking away valuable time from those who are struggling and really need extra time in group to talk.

In essence, I feel that in sharing things I'm doing well and my progress in turn I will be robbing other of their time. In a way that I need to earn my time to talk by being super emotional or extremely upset about something or struggling. This is so confusin because this belief I have makes so much sense in some aspects and no sense in others.

Unfortunately this idea that my issues, my problems and my stuff is less importan t than others does not reside just in treatment. It shows up in so many aspects of my life which is why this core belief is something I really need to work on changing.

I know deep down that there is some middle ground where I can cherish and celebrate and share my successes with others. And, at the same time get my needs met by feeling I can share my successes with others. I also need to; within myself, practice celebrating my successes. I don't know how to do that. My tendency is to find reasons and ways I could have done it better. To think if I celebrate it I am being ignorant and settling for less. Further, that if I celebrate a certain level of success that I'll be stuck on that level of achievement because my brain makes this connection that if I acknowledge a certain level of progress it means that level is enough or okay. That the level i celebrate will be the highest I can go and thus I will never achieve anything beyond that point... Its exhausting-never reaching goals, never doing enough and therefore never good enough in anything. I really need peer feedback on how I can acknowledge my accomplishments, so that when they do occur I can enjoy them and at the same time not feeling stuck and having fluidity in my goals and dreams.