I am feeling so much anxiety right now. Immediatly I think its surrounding dinner because I know throughout the day my friend (another client) hasn't eaten her whole meal plan and now going to dinner it makes me so uncomfortable to know an ED is going to be there right with me at the table. I dont think its going to affect my recovery. It is like sitting around one of my old ghosts and that scares me. My ED is gone and someone elses feel like it lingering over me. As I write my heart is beating fast, my throat and my chest are tight. I just wish I could run away from their ED too. It probably doesn;t help that I'm extremely fatigued from today and staying up far too late last night. I don't know if I should feel this way or if I am overreacting. I always question my feelings; doesnt feel to good. Right now, I also have an unread email from Jen on my phone. I am scared to read it. More so than usual because of the other day seeing her. I am scared because I don;t know what she wrote. Was it in response to what I said in my last email? Did she notice my change in behavior when she saw me? If she didn't, why not? Haley noticed and she's my friend. Jen's my old therapist. The harsh side of me would think that therapists should notice that easier. My unhealthy part of my braon tells me that if she didn't notice then that means she or any other therapist/person doesn't care either. I think that someone who cares about me should have noticed my behavior. My thinking is so warped.
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