So I'm at work ringing someone up, and the woman who is w/ her kids and husband puts her yogurt on the scale and says "This is how a real woman eats" OMFG. really? really? I get it. But man to say that in front of your kids and to other people is utterly frustrating not only are her girls going to grow up w/ a fucked up message about women and food-but is she stuck in the 1950's?! This is why girls suffer so much because other women perpetuate the message that we should be wafe thin and deserve only what is absolutely necessary to survive IF THAT! Okay I'm done.
Secondly, I watched the documentary "Thin" on Youtube last night its about a bunch of women at a ED clinic in Florida. It made me feel like less of a freak because there one of the girls gets kicked out for bad behavior and being a "ring leader" (Mirror image of my story). But the part that irked me the most was when the treatment team was talking about her calling her a 'bad seed' 'not a good person' and not to be trusted. That was like a punch to the stomach to me, because I realized many a people have most likely spoke of me that way. That hurts--- a lot. And validates my beliefs that there is something inherently less than or bad about me.
Third. My friend Nicole is going to get clean in NY this week and then supposedly coming out to SD. I told her she could stay w/ me because she is my other half, and I the only person I really love and I feel loves me. I am going to try to get her a job where I work, I Just hope the guy i rent from doesn't mind. I want to be there for her, and this is one way I know how. Of course it won't be good for my ED but that is the last thing on my mind.
I had the weirdest dream last night. 1. I was in treatment 2. Robert Downey Jr was our therapist and my friend Nicole was there singing and I was curled up next to her and I was bawling. As if a girl pouring her heart out is the only thing that can make me cry. I remember listening to her and him thinking omg maybe I can get better, maybe this treatment will work. I then woke up w/immense back pain w/ tears falling down my cheek. Just a dream.
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